Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
