Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
