Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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