Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
