on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
