Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
