No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
