Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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