I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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