I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
