look no pants
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
