Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
