he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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