Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
