This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
