All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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