dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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