My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
