I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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