we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
