batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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