I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
