did you get engaged???
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
