my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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