i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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