Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
