I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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