apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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