Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
