You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
