With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
