Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
