Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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