Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
