I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
