So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
