Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
