so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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