my mouth tastes like poor choices
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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