woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
