I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
