did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
