last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
