Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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