just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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