I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
