Don't you send me to vm
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dicks are not precious.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
