my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
