I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
