I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
