He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
