We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
