my vag is so smooth its legendary
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
