She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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