All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
