I want you more than these girls want KFC
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
