Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
