I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
time to smoke my breakfast
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
