you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize