Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
