why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Welp...herpes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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