Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
