When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
