i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
