My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i came on her dog
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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