she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
