I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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