Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
