Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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