I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
