I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
