can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
