Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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