I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
