the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize